I remember you.

 24th March 2014 commemorates the day I finally graduate from Chiba University with a Bachelor in Applied Chemistry and Biotechnology. Sound fancy, huh? Trust me, it wasn't easy.

 I can still remember the first day I got to Japan. Enduring the cold, the constant battle of having to do everything on your own. But this 4 years has taught me nothing but determination. Determination in whatever you do. For its is true; that when you put your mind to something, nothing is impossible.

 I thank my family and friends for all the support, love, and encouragement. There have been numerous occasions where I have called up some of my friends to just de-stress and relieve myself from all the pressure. Everybody was always there when I needed them.

 But, there is someone who deserves more than just a thank you from me. My late Mama deserved to be here with me to celebrate. Sadly, she is not. She was the one who pushed me out of her womb and let me breathe the air of the world. The world is many things Mother, many you did not have time to teach me. But I am learning. As much as I dedicate my 4 years of hard work to you, I dedicate the rest of my experience after this to you also. For without you Mother, I would not be here. I miss you and I pray to see you once more again. I know you will be waiting for me. And when that time comes, we will talk about all the glorifying days of my student life, my career, my family, and many more like as if you were never really gone in the first place.

 Everything I do, I do it for you.

 Lately, it has started once again to feel hard without you around. Especially now. When we both need your guidance so much. But I know you are with us. Everyday. Every second. Every time. Close to our hearts. I hope you pray the best for us.

"They say have courage, and I'm trying to. "

Summer lovin'

So this is how I spent my summer break:

1. My best friend's wedding

   My nemo buddy finally got hitched! She's been planning it for almost a year and to finally get to see her on the pelamin was too overwhelming that I almost cried. Cheers to the happy couple! <3

2. My brother's wedding

    My eldest brother got married last 31st August and it was amazing and hectic at the same time. He's the first of our family to get married and so some things were out of place and whatnot, but it all ended well enough. As you can see, the theme was green. Never thought green would actually look nice for a wedding theme. The hall was nice with an antique museum-like backdrop. Got to meet and catch up with so many faces I hadn't seen since probably high school. And sooo....cheers to the happy couple! 

3. My wedding

   BAHAHAHA! I wish!! 

Let's scratch that one out.

3. My wedding

3. High school reunion

   After approximately 5 years, we finally had a PH5 high school reunion. PH5 was what we used to call our 'clique' or 'group'. Yes yes, something in the likes of Vivy Yusof's Proudducks. Haha 12 hours straight of laughters and non-stop talking with these amazing 5 girls. If it wasn't for the fact that one of us had classes the next day, we probably would have stayed up talking all night long. We've changed so much from our high school years and its just so good to finally get together. Hopefully it won't be another 5 years until our next reunion. 

 4. Day out with the siblings

   The boyfriend insisted we took my siblings out for day trip to KL and since I had promised Amanda something for her birthday earlier, we decided to take the kids to Petrosains. I found myself actually stopping and reading all the fun facts and whatnot instead of just going 'Ooh! Games!' Haha maybe its just the age catching up with me :/

 So that was basically how I spent most of my summer. Didn't manage to finish any books like I would always do. I have this thing where I do a summer reading challenge and I try to at least finish one good book. I brought back The Great Gatsby but all it did was act as a prop for my bedside table. But I did finally finish reading it on the plane back to Japan though. Tried re-reading my Sweet Valley books only to have it end in vain. So no summer reading challenge accomplished this time. *sigh*

 Then again, I mean, come on. What's The Great Gatsby compared to spending time with these two sweethearts?

Probably would have stuffed both of them in my luggage if I could. 

Nothing can compare to spending time with my favorite people. Nothing. 

Kids do the darnest things #1

 So I had a skype session with the family yesterday night. First time we skype-ed since Raya. It was good to see familiar faces. 

 So while I was talking to Mama, she suddenly started laughing and saying " look at Mikhail". I, of course being the overly obsessed big sister that just had to observe my little brother's every movement (-oh dear God I hope I'm not like this when I have my own children); insisted that Mama move the laptop screen so I could see what he was doing. 

With technology, distance is no longer a barrier, my friend. Hahahaha

 And so Mikhail was doing this;

 Apparently Mikhail had taken Papa's reading glasses and started to imitate Papa studying. He even acted like there was a laptop in front of him and started pressing the buttons on the keyboard in mid-air like this:

Mikhail's good. Papa types exactly like that! Hahahaha



I just can't wait to be home!

Mama

My late mother was a very strict parent. I remember those nights when I was only in pre-school and Mama had me reading the kiddies dictionary. I had to read every word in the dictionary and memorize the spelling. She would sit in front of me as I read, with a rotan neatly placed beside her. In the end she wouldn't end up using the rotan. But the idea of it sitting a mere centimeters away from me pretty much shook me up for the rest of my childhood haha

Despite her strictness, she always made it to all of my choir recitals, my sports day, etc. She was always there in the audience with that heavy video camera we had back then, waving her arms so I would be looking at the camera. And thanks to her, I now still have all those video tapes of my childhood days which I will one day sit down with a box of Capri-Sonne and watch all day just to reminisce. 

The last time I talked to Mama was at the hospital. We didn't talk much because of all the medicine that she was taking had made her drowsy and all. So at the end of the day, I sat in a chair in the corner of the room reading a book I just bought, and when I looked up I saw that she was smiling while watching me. I smiled back, unknowingly that it would be the last time. 

I've grown up a lot now since the last time you saw me, Mama. I'm no longer that little girl you used to scold at for playing soccer with the boys until maghrib. 

I only have you to thank for shaping me into this woman I am becoming. You are my role model, always and forever.

Thank you, Mama. 

Happy mother's day to all the mothers and soon-to-be mothers :)

Miles and miles away.

 

Annnnd here we have on the left side, my awesome father getting excited after knowing that a thing called skype conference call actually existed. "You mean I can talk to you and talk to abang at the same time?!" =.=

Annnnd on the right side, my adorable little brother, Mikhail, perfecting the whole 'Who the hell are you, why are you all up in ma face?' look.  He finds the image of him much more thrilling to look at than to look at me, who is obviously trying really hard to get his attention by swifting side to side and flailingly waving my hands all over the place. Flailingly? Is that even a word, Faten? It should be a word. Mama said Mikahil could do the 'you sing twinkle little star and I'll do the star with my hand' thingy but as soon as I started singing, he started fidgeting around which probably meant 'get me out of here before she starts singing again!' =.=

So since Papa now knows the existence of conference call and its uses, he insisted we skype with Opah tonight considering my brothers are going back to Taiping today. I'm really excited about it, but Abang has been harassing me with skype calls 'cause apparently something's wrong with his skype and he can't video call. So I've been getting calls with a greeting of "Can you see me now?.....How 'bout now?" for the past half hour. By the end he figures out that he might as well on skype through his iPhone since you can vieo call on iPhone. WHICH BY THE WAY, I happened to have informed him of it the first time he called but as usual, he shrugged off every idea I say as useless. And when I say "See, I told you to do that earlier!" And he replies with a simple "I didn't hear it." =.= 

Sigh. I miss my family.

Oh well. For the time being, I'll put on my hot blazing red mask and conquer Spectrochem. 

Nanananana Batman!....?

Tagging Game.

1. What TV show would you want to work on?

 I don't really have a definite answer, but if this was a life-death decision I'd actually go with Pretty Little Liars. There's just something there about their friendship I've always been fascinated of. Or maybe its connected to the inner side of me which wants to just go back to high school and just re-do everything.

2. If you could say one thing to the person who has hurt you the most, what would you say?

 I never knew you to be such a coward.

3. If you could choose one celebrity to be your best friend, who would it be and why?

 Taylor Swift. I wanna be by her side when she's composing/writing her next hit songs. To be able to see her put all her feelings and soul into a lyrics and to just be able to witness it all would be just out of this world amazing.

4. What song would play at your wedding?

 Ingrid Michaelson's rendition of Can't Help Falling In Love With You.

5. Describe yourself in 10 words.

 Impulsive, ambitious, egoistic, faithful, sensitive, reflective, decisive, determined, selfish, chatty.

6. Tell me something about the person you miss the most in the world right now.

 She was beautiful, talented, brave, and strong. She had the most beautiful smile. She taught me that life doesn't come easy. She taught me that money alone will never be able to make you happy. She taught me that there are people in this world who will be willing to do anything to take you down, but then there are those who will die trying to make you rise from all the defeat. She taught me the importance of education. She's everything I wish I could be. The person I miss most in the world..is my mother.

7. Have you ever betrayed a friend? If so, how and why?

 Yes, and I'll never be able to get over the fact that I hurt her. We were 15, and like ordinary 15 year old's, we had boy trouble. We liked the same guy only that I was willing to do anything to make sure she didn't get him. I wasn't proud of it, and like I said I'll never be able to forgive myself for what happened. In the end, we both didn't get him. He's now happily in love with her best friend; and I couldn't be any more happier for him.

8. Describe your perfect day.

 A sunny day, where I'd go to the bookstore with him, fight over which book to read and end up buying books we both wouldn't like, go to the park and sit under a tree while we immerse ourselves in books.

9. At what point in your life have you been able to look at and say, “That’s when everything changed?”

 2006. I was sixteen and the biggest problem I ever thought I would face was why the boy next door wouldn't call me. Then came April, and my mom passed away. Suddenly, the world didn't revolve around me anymore. Life wasn't about trying to decide what clothes to wear, or planning the next party with friends. It was more than just about me. I had a family to take care of. A dad to support. A brother to raise. I guess, that's when everything changed. I'm glad though. I became a person so much better than the person I was 6 or 7 years ago.

10. What was the last party you went to?

 A birthday party, to be honest. We went to an all-you-can eat cake buffet to celebrate a friend's birthday.

11. One quote that sums up who you are the best:

 “Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then.”-Jane Austen

 I fall in love too much; and that might just be my biggest flaw.

Al-Fatihah.

Bismillah.

I got a call last night. Or more like this morning 'cause it was at 3 am. Looked to check my phone and saw that I had 2 missed calls from Abang. Now, that's weird was what I first thought, 'cause my eldest brother's not the type to be calling me at 3 am in the morning. The phone rang again, and I finally picked me up although I was half asleep, half awake.

'Faten, Mak Long baru je meninggal' said Abang, before I could even ask why he was calling.

I froze and went speechless for what seemed like the longest time. 'I've never heard silence quite this loud'. I didn't cry. I'm that type of person, actually. I never show my weakness in front of my family.

'Inalillah wa ina ilaihirajiun' was all that came out of my mouth.

My aunt on my mother's side passed away last night, from breast cancer. The cancer had spread to her liver, just like how Mama's did, except Mama's was worst. Yes, I've lost two of my beloved people to breast cancer. Then again, ajal itu kan hanya Allah sahaja yang mengetahui. We could die tomorrow, heck we could die on our way to the supermarket, and we'd never see it coming.

Ingatlah Faten, badan dan jasad ini hanyalah pinjaman daripadaNya. Kasih sayang, keluarga, harta benda itu semua pinjaman daripadaNya. DaripadaNya kita datang, kepadaNya juga kita kembali. Ingatlah Faten, kata Allah itu benar. Hidup mati kita hanya untukNya.

"Bagaimana kamu ingkar kepada Allah, padahal kamu tadinya mati, lalu Dia menghidupkan kamu, kemudian Dia mematikan kamu, lalu Dia menghidupkan kamu kembali. Kemudian kepada-Nyalah kamu dikembalikan." [Al-Baqarah, 2:28]

Mak Long, I'm sure you're in a better place now. InsyaAllah, semoga Allah tempatkan Mak Long di kalangan hambanya yang beriman. Amin. Send my regards to Mama, I know she's constantly looking over me. You've lit up my life with your presence. Mak Long ingat tak when I was about 4 or 5, you were getting married and we were up in Atok's room and you said, 'Faten pembawa rezeki Mak Long. You're my lucky charm. You're my best friend'. Mak Long, you'll always be my best friend. I love you and I'm gonna miss you. May you rest in peace.

*Minta semua sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepada arwah Mak Long saya, semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin*