Tuesday, June 24, 2014

A lot has happened in the past two months since I got home.

I've seen my life crumble apart, as I slowly pick up the shattered pieces.

I see myself from afar and think, "How did I get here? And for the second time?"

I am reminded of why I put those walls up.

To guard off all the darkness lurking around.

But he pushed through, and I pulled him inside as he slowly broke down the walls until not even a brick was in sight.

But now; here I am again. Everything seems nostalgic. It feels like everything that has happened since then was just a dream.

I have found myself here again.

Behind another tall wall. But this time it's different.

Because this time, the wall has a door.

And the door wishes to only be visible to one person.


Friday, June 6, 2014

It kills me to see that you think nobody cares about you.
When all I’ve done all this while; is care. Even though there have been countless times where you have knocked me down and tossed me away. 
I still woke up with my scraped knees and bitter heart, half-standing just barely awake. And the first person I turned to was you. To care again; for you. 
So, no. It is not fair for you to say that nobody cares about you. Because you had me. And you probably always will. 

Monday, June 2, 2014

Talk.

"It feels like a lifetime since I've seen you genuinely smile. I can tell how tired you are by looking at your eyes. How many times have you cried yourself to sleep, my dear? I can tell how stressed out you are by the wrinkles on your forehead. I notice how you space out sometimes. Flashbacks come when you least expect them to, don't they?"

"He said he loved me. He said it to the world. That I was his 'Always and Forever'. But why did he leave? What did I do to drive him away without a single goodbye? Am I that unworthy? Is it selfish to say I wished he would have fought for me?

It hurts. Everything hurts. My heart. My body. Everything. Why did he do this to me? Has he forgotten all the promises we made to each other? Did I really mean nothing to him; so easily he tossed me away."

"I know it does. I'm pretty sure he loved you as much as you have loved him. It's just that maybe during this time, he's forgotten to love you back. Anger and hate has taken the best of him and turned him into someone unrecognizable. But remember, if he loved you, he wouldn't have left you cold like this. Doesn't matter what the circumstances are. Or how bad the situation has gotten. If he wanted you, he would have stayed and fought for you. That's what love is supposed to be about. You stay, even when all arrows are pointing the other way.

I want nothing more than your happiness. Can you not see that? I saw how he made you smile; how he made you happy. I was ready to give you to him. But now...how could I? When I have seen nothing but hurt in your eyes. How dare he destroy you in front of me?

I have made my mistakes, and I have asked for forgiveness. It doesn't matter if he will not forgive me, so long as God has accepted my repentance. Because to err is human.

Think about it carefully. Don't go. Trust me on this. It will only give you more harm, than you can ever imagine. Be strong. Don't succumb to your weakness. You're stronger than this. You have more willpower than this. Don't go. Please. I ask nothing more from you."


*partly fictional. Partly.