Monday, November 3, 2014

How is it possible that people can change their minds, so easily?

Like in one minute you believe in A and then suddenly you wake up one day and you want B.

Is it because slowly A is starting to feel too real and so your defense mechanism kicks in and the most logical thing to do is to kick A to the curb and come up with something such as; B?

But I just don't get it. When you decide to suddenly change your mind, do you ever wonder and stop to think to as how it would affect the other party? How do you even build up the courage to do that?

Really. This is a legitimate question I am asking because it seems like people do and say things which always contradict with their true feelings.

I beg you. Just don't say it if you don't mean it.

But then again, from the words of Murakami,

"My point is this: in this whole wide world the only person you can depend on is you."

Monday, October 13, 2014

"Bakat dikurnia jangan disalah guna, Jangan kufur nikmat yang diberi percuma,Guna kelebihan untuk hikmah bersama."  

 Last weekend was by far one of the most hectic yet amazing weekend I have had since I can remember. 

1) I met up with the bride-to-be Nurul and her fiance for a quick lunch and it was just nice to get together and talk about life, work, and of course her wedding preparations. Because come on, I am a girl who still gets giddy inside when I hear about wedding preparations. With all the flowers, dresses, halls, I got nervous inside like as if I was the one getting married! Hah! I still can't believe that this person I've known since I was 14, who ultimately failed together at trying to skateboard is getting married in 4 months. Wow, time just needs to like, chill out and let me finish my cup of tea.

2) I went to Buku Jalanan's birthday bash at Shah Alam with Zharif after meeting up with Nurul. It was a laid back non-fancy type of festival which was just perfect in its own way. With a couple of stages set up for forums and discussions, live performances, it was nice to see everyone gathered around just for the music and some input. The theme of one of the forums was "Dari P. Ramlee ke Rindu Awak 200%" which when I saw its title on one of the posters actually really caught my eye. Although I didn't have the whole chance of listening to the whole forum, it definitely did make me wonder on how drastically our film industry has changed from being something so classy to something so...unrecognizable. 

3) We ended the night at the batting cage in One Utama with one of Zharif's friends who had made it clear that he needed to clear off all the things he had on his bucket list before he graduated which meant me twisting my every muscle trying to swing the bat and actually hitting the ball. I'm not even talking about hitting the baseball so that it had an actual trajectory; but like hitting it so that it'd bounce off and nearly bruise me type of hitting. But I had a really good time because it was so nice to actually let go and be myself in front of the guys. Then again, when have I not ever been my weird old self when I'm with Zharif? So, yeah.

4) I spent the Sunday at Dapur Jalanan. This was probably the highlight of my week in total. I had heard of Dapur Jalanan-which is basically a soup kitchen, when I was still studying in Japan but since then had never actually participated in anything. Luckily, Zharif is very much active in Dapur Jalanan so it was just the perfect opportunity for me to actually experience it myself. And let me just say, you just have to be there to actually understand the whole experience. Unfortunately for me, it was raining cats and dogs when Zharif and I reached Pasar Seni's LRT station and we got automatically soaked from all the rain and wind that came at us. I was practically freezing underneath my wet clothes which got me thinking; I wonder how the homeless people deal with it. They obviously don't have a place to call home to, so I wonder where they shelter at. Or if they even shelter at all, because as we all know, these people like to walk and scatter around. The thought of that immediately erased me of my worry about the rain and how cold I was. I was just lucky enough to actually have clothes on to keep me warm.
 So by the time we started giving out food, it was already 6 pm because the food came late due to heavy rain and traffic. Mind you, it was still drizzling while we were giving out food. We were lucky enough to actually find a spot to put all the food despite raindrops dropping into some of our bubur kacang and air laici
 While I was there, there was this one lady that caught my attention. She had been waiting behind Zharif and I while we were waiting for the food to arrive. She had a little boy with her. And she sat him down as he opened up one of his new toys which I peeked to see was a character figurine thingy from The Hobbit. I honestly thought at first that she was just another volunteer probably just wanting to help around. But later did I discover, while I was giving out food, she strolled by and said thank you with her two hands full of nasi, roti canai, and sandwiches while her kid followed beside her. Then it hit me. She and this kid, she wasn't waiting for the food to arrive so that we could provide for them; she was one of them who needed the providing. So the strings on my heart tugged. I wonder what happened. Why was she there. Did she really have no place to go to? Or maybe her husband left her and she had no financial aid because we all know how common these type of stories are. But nonetheless, where was her family? I still can't stop thinking about it. I wish I had the time to ask her where she was from, how old her little boy was, because he looked pretty much Mikhail's age. I got home that night thinking and wishing if I could really just do more, you know? There must be something more I could do than just give out food. If it was possible, I wanted to follow them to where they were staying just to look at the state of what they call 'home'...
 We see so many homeless people on the streets sometimes and we're scared of them because their mainly old men with cut out shorts and t-shirts but its when you join these kind of activities you realize, that there's actually more to that. Just because they dress different doesn't make them less of a human than we are. Zharif even told me that there's actually a whole family that is homeless. A whole family. Imagine that. Imagine what a loaf of bread to the whole family could do. So many of us believe that charity is so associated to money. I don't deny that charity funds are a great way to help, but that can never, ever, be equal to the feeling you get from giving something such as food directly to someone and actually looking them in the eyes when they truly say, 'Thank you.'

 All I can say is, my one day in the rain with the homeless people has taught me more about life than any book/forum/talk has. 

Sunday, September 21, 2014

 I went to Laman Seni at Section 7, Shah Alam today for some creative soul-feeding session. I've heard about this street art gallery many times before but have never actually made my way to see it despite living only 15 minutes away from it.

 It was as nice as I expected and also as crowded as I expected it to be. I pretty much made a wrong decision in coming on a weekend because well, apparently Malaysians use their weekends wisely by lingering around malls and coffee shops when they could just be re-charging their day off from work at home watching Law and Order or sipping tea while cozying up in bed with a book. But then again; that's just me. So I'll just post up some pictures here;

 There are still more at the gallery (-well it wasn't really a gallery as you would call it as it was more of a back door alley full of street art) but these were all I managed to take amongst the crowd before the rain came pouring heavily down. Talk about luck, huh?

 But overall, it was a good experience. I've never been to anything like this before so it was fun to actually do something new which I have promised myself I'd do much more of just to open my eyes and re-discover everything.

 I have so much respect for all the people who were involved and even more for the artists themselves. To have so much passion to be able to portray something so unique and beautiful for everyone to see is just so amazing. Which made me re-think to what my passion was and what I've been doing to fulfill it. My number one passion is reading, especially poetry. And second is of course this; writing. Writing practically releases my soul.

But I wonder if I'll have the courage enough to actually use my passion to portray something as beautiful as these artists have portrayed..

 On a lighter note; so snakes and ladders, anyone?

Thursday, September 18, 2014

 So, social network. We have Facebook, Twitter, and urm, all kinds of other social networking sites I'm probably not cool enough to know.

 I've actually been off the radar on Instagram for a couple of months now. I don't know. Maybe its the little negative side of me that just doesn't wanna see people with their new stuff, their happy faces, etc. Or maybe its just the me that would like to keep Instagram sacred as I've always known it to be since that evening of July. I leave it like that. I can't remember the last time I posted a picture. All I know is that, I just don't feel good doing it anymore. But if my name does happen to pop up on your phone screens indicating I have liked one of your posts; feel special. Rarely do I go on Instagram nowadays either than to check up on my favorite people. :)

 I've started running away from Twitter lately. Honestly, I basically just deleted every social networking site apps I had on my phone. So if I really wanted to indulge and waste my time on it, I'd had to push myself and go to all the trouble of using Google Chrome. Which, is as we all know, is pretty much troublesome as it is.

 But I still post on Facebook sometimes, a quote here and there, just to make sure everybody knows I'm still alive. Though, I'm not sure anybody would care much.

 I did realize one thing though. My mind's been working its creative side much much much better than before. I can be in the car driving and my mind would just space out and come out with paragraphs and paragraphs of sentences I didn't even know I could come up with. So that's a delight. I like the feeling. Of thinking. And keeping it to ourselves. Or just jotting words down on a tissue paper. It makes me feel good.

So I'm gonna do that more often. You can always find me on WhatsApp, or Line. I haven't gone totally anti-social; mind you. I'm just letting my brain do all the talking this time. So forgive me if I space out sometimes when we meet up; it's been happening a lot lately.