Cheers!

My computer clock is showing that in another 40 minutes, 2011 will come to an end and we will have to welcome 2012. But..I don't think I'm ready yet to say goodbye to 2011. Before saying goodbye, I think a recap of 2011 is needed.

My 2011 consisted of the usual love and laughter. But 2011 taught me something more.

2011 taught me that you can never say you've failed, if you've never even given a shot at it. 2011 hasn't been as smooth as I thought it would be. Got my final results for my first year at Chiba University and learned that I had to take matters into my own hands if I wanted to actually succeed in something.

In 2011, I learned that money does make the world go round. I had to make a monthly budget for myself to make sure I had money by the end of the month to pay the rent and bills.
In 2011, I finally opened up myself to the Japanese and accepted them for how they were. I am no longer hurt if they choose not to sit beside me, even though half the row I was sitting at was empty.
In 2011, I learned that Malaysia is indeed, a wonderful country. Where else can you get Nasi Lemak, Roti Canai and all those fattening foods just for breakfast?! Indeed, there's no place like home.
In 2011, I learned that love is real. Love made us conquer 3 years together, and I'm thankful for that.
In 2011, I learned that it isn't easy looking for an apartment to stay. It isn't easy managing things in a country you're not used to. I learned to appreciate the people back at home who have given me all their best just to keep me safe and warm, day and night.
In 2011, I was given the position as a vice for the Malaysian community here in Chiba. To be honest, I have never been given a position like that. Not even when I was at school. I learned to make a new family here in Chiba, where everybody is nice and friendly (put aside all the drama lol)
In 2011, I learned that culture is an important key. Through culture, so many messages can be exchanged. We had our ASEAN festival and our University Festival where we cooked and exchanged cultures with Japan, Vietnam, Korea, etc. We're our country's little ambassadors, if you'd like to put a name on it ;)
In 2011, I learned that you can never be too old for Disney ;) I went to Disneyland with a couple of friends during summer, and I felt like a 7 year old all over again. I tell ya, it's the magic of Disney! Oh come on, we've all at least dressed up in fluffy dresses and danced the night away thinking we were Cinderella :p
In 2011, I learned that no matter how long you've known a person, there's always something new and interesting you'll find about the person every time you meet up. Okay I've known this for a long time now, but it has its own significant meaning in 2011.
In 2011, I turned 21 :) I'd like to say I became wiser, but my actions prove otherwise :p
In 2011, I realized all the things that have gone wrong and tried fixing it..but it was just too late.
In 2011, I lost someone close to me, which has only made me more stronger and grateful for every day I'm given the chance to breathe.

So 2011 would be a never ending cosine graph if it actually had a graph of my life. So believe it or not, I can't wait for 2012! My new year's resolution?

1. Taking control and steering my life into the right direction with friends and family by my side, 'cause for once..I actually think I've lost my way.
2. Stop giving in to the matters of the heart so easily. Just so I won't have trouble picking myself up again :')
3. Keep friends and family close :)


So how are you people spending the New Years? Some may be counting down the seconds as the clock strikes 12, some may be spending their last days of 2011 with their loved ones. As for me, I'm cozy-ing up in bed with a tub of chocolate ice cream; which fyi I intend on finishing tonight, and not forgetting One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls, movies and lots of music to keep me company :)



Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012! Happy New Year, everybody!! Cheers to a new year, a new life, and a new me :)

Al-Fatihah.

Bismillah.

I got a call last night. Or more like this morning 'cause it was at 3 am. Looked to check my phone and saw that I had 2 missed calls from Abang. Now, that's weird was what I first thought, 'cause my eldest brother's not the type to be calling me at 3 am in the morning. The phone rang again, and I finally picked me up although I was half asleep, half awake.

'Faten, Mak Long baru je meninggal' said Abang, before I could even ask why he was calling.

I froze and went speechless for what seemed like the longest time. 'I've never heard silence quite this loud'. I didn't cry. I'm that type of person, actually. I never show my weakness in front of my family.

'Inalillah wa ina ilaihirajiun' was all that came out of my mouth.

My aunt on my mother's side passed away last night, from breast cancer. The cancer had spread to her liver, just like how Mama's did, except Mama's was worst. Yes, I've lost two of my beloved people to breast cancer. Then again, ajal itu kan hanya Allah sahaja yang mengetahui. We could die tomorrow, heck we could die on our way to the supermarket, and we'd never see it coming.

Ingatlah Faten, badan dan jasad ini hanyalah pinjaman daripadaNya. Kasih sayang, keluarga, harta benda itu semua pinjaman daripadaNya. DaripadaNya kita datang, kepadaNya juga kita kembali. Ingatlah Faten, kata Allah itu benar. Hidup mati kita hanya untukNya.

"Bagaimana kamu ingkar kepada Allah, padahal kamu tadinya mati, lalu Dia menghidupkan kamu, kemudian Dia mematikan kamu, lalu Dia menghidupkan kamu kembali. Kemudian kepada-Nyalah kamu dikembalikan." [Al-Baqarah, 2:28]

Mak Long, I'm sure you're in a better place now. InsyaAllah, semoga Allah tempatkan Mak Long di kalangan hambanya yang beriman. Amin. Send my regards to Mama, I know she's constantly looking over me. You've lit up my life with your presence. Mak Long ingat tak when I was about 4 or 5, you were getting married and we were up in Atok's room and you said, 'Faten pembawa rezeki Mak Long. You're my lucky charm. You're my best friend'. Mak Long, you'll always be my best friend. I love you and I'm gonna miss you. May you rest in peace.

*Minta semua sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepada arwah Mak Long saya, semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin*

December boys.

I have approximately another 30 minutes before this gets outdated, so, Hello, December! :)

Goodbye, November. It was good to know you, but I honestly don't ever wanna go back to November where it was all loneliness and depression for me. I was such a mess.

Oh well, so cheers to December! Cheers to a new month and to a new stronger me. InsyaAllah.

Went to Chiba today and got my バイト許可. Yay! I can finally start searching for a part-time job! While everybody will be happily going snowboarding or skiing etc, I'll be cooped up at home or if God's willing, I'll be working my ass off so I can get enough money so I can shop in Europe and actually get a ticket back home for spring break. I wanna go home. I wanna play with Mikhail :(

So after I went to get my バイト許可, my friend and I went to look for new boots and heat-tech clothes from Uniqlo since winter is here and the temperature is dropping like crazy! Anyways, its amazing how you see things so differently when you know you have no money to shop. I am such a big spender, so when I go out and just NOT buy stuff, it just seems weird. Like how I went with some friends to Harajuku and bought..nothing! We went to Forever 21, H&M, almost all the places I love to shop at, and I bought nothing! I felt really proud of myself at the end, although there was that one jacket that kept haunting me in my dreams. lol I do however, hate the fact that I have to cut my money also when it comes to getting food. That sucks. Anyone who knows me knows that I would do anything to get my hands on good food :p Oh well, itu semua nafsu kamu, Faten! Ingat tu!

Got my weekly dosage of Takoyaki today, although had second thoughts on actually going to get some or not T.T Couldn't resist so there goes money on Takoyaki. But mehhh it was worth it! So I got home at around 6 and decided to catch up on some reading, which I have put hold on for a long time now. Then it seemed like the perfect night to get into the bathtub which I have not been in since spring 'cause..you just..don't get into the bathtub when its summer..So got to catch up on my reading and felt so refreshed after my bath. I skipped dinner 'cause I have this whole new plan on not eating any carbohydrates for dinner or basically just, stop having dinner. lol It didn't go so well though. Not tonight, it didn't. I felt so hungry and then teringat pulak cucur ikan bilis I had when I went over to Pja's place and just the thought of it made my stomach grumble and so I just had to make some. And I finished it in 10 minutes. T.T So there goes my diet. But overall, I think I started my December with a good kick. Did something life changing, if you call getting a job life changing that is :p Did myself proud with not doing any unnecessary shopping. Got myself refreshed. Stomach's happy. So..bring on December! Oh wait, I have mid-terms which I'm not done with...Damn it!

Ps: WHY has it taken me so long to realize how effin gorgeous Adam Levine is? I wanna marry him and have his babies. And this isn't just any random thought anymore lol

Like I did yesterday

'Its hard letting go of someone you loved for so long because they always come back. Which makes you think they care, and knowing they love you as much as you love them but can't admit it or won't ever admit it, so they leave. So it's just plain cruel hopeless love.'

When lyrics speak louder than music..

'I tried to go on like I never knew you. I’m awake but my world is half asleep. I pray for this heart to be unbroken. But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete.'
-Backstreet Boys, Incomplete

'This time, this place, misused, mistakes. Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?'
-Nickelback, Far Away

'And lead me up the staircase, won't you whisper soft and slow, 'I'm captivated by you baby, like a fireworks show''
-Taylor Swift, Sparks Fly

'And we'll get lost together, until the light comes pouring through'
-Michael Buble, Lost

'I came apart inside a world made of angry people. I found a boy who had a dream making everyone smile. He was sunshine'
-Colbie Caillat, Oxygen

'Lately I've been writing desperate love songs. I mostly sing them to the wall. You could be the center of my obsession, if you would notice me at all'
-The Band Perry, All Your Life

'Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced another sun soaked season fades away'
-Dashboard Confessional, Stolen

'We have done a lot of growing up. We were never meant to be together'
-Hinder, Without You

'Look at the stars, look how they shine for you'
-Coldplay, Yellow

'Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you'
-Coldplay, Fix You

'It is so easy to see dysfunction between you and me. We must free up these tired souls before the sadness gets to us both'
-Maroon 5, Nothing Lasts Forever

'Now you're outside me you see all the beauty. Repent all your sin'
-Stars, Your Ex-lover Is Dead

'Dream big'

IT IS OFFICIAL! *fireworks*

I will be going on my Europe trip on 24th February, 2012 ;) I.so.excited!!! I will be going with my friend from Nagoya and we will be meeting up with her boyfriend in London, so it'll be just the three of us.

Tokyo-->London-->Italy-->Paris-->Tokyo

Our trip won't take long, just in accordance to our budget :p We will be going for 2 weeks, and I know before even going that it will the best 2 weeks of our lives! I haven't made lists yet of places to go or anything, since I have been too busy with assignments and studying for exams which are just a stone's throw away. My throw, that is ;p

There are a couple of places I already have in mind. Well, I've had this dream of a Europe trip since I was little, so I've had my time of thinking.


Anyways, life has been treating me awful enough lately. But, hey! When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade! I think I have it under control now. I see everything so much more clearer now. I've sorted my priorities out, and now am just going with the flow. Whatever happens along the way, let it be. There's a reason it turned out that way. No more excuses. No more complaints. Be grateful for what I have. Most importantly, no regrets. To you, thank you. Despite everything, you haven't only made my heart weaker than ever, but along the way, you've made me become so much more stronger. 'Grow stronger from the pain, don't let it destroy you.'

'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through. So I wanna say thank you 'cause it makes me that much stronger. Makes me work a little bit harder. Makes me that much wiser. So thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster. Made my skin a little bit thicker.It makes me that much smarter.

So thanks for making me a fighter

Far away.

Maroon 5-Nothing Lasts Forever

This song says it all.

Even if you may not care, this is exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Awak, dengar la lyrics dia, okay?

Damn, Imissyou.

Eat, Pray, Love.

Finally had a good night sleep last night and woke up today to what felt like a new 'me'. For the past week everything felt so blurry and too far to reach. Everything just seemed so fragile. But now, I can finally breathe.

I finally sat myself down and watched 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I've always wanted to read the book but never got the chance to. Overall, I loved it. There's always that turning point in your life where you just need to change, you know? It's not easy. To look back and say goodbye to your past and just really start living life. The movie really taught me a lot. Like how you don't always need love to bring balance to life; but you also don't always have to push love away to keep balance. It's about the road to discovery. The road of soul searching. Sometimes, along the way you tend to lose yourself. All you need to do is find that balance, cling on to it, and get back to where you truly are supposed to be. Happiness doesn't just come knocking, you gotta work for it.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”

-Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'

Scarf Up!

Woke up. Drank water 'cause my throat was so dry. Went through a roller coaster ride of emotions. Finally woke up from bed to take a shower. Saw my newly bought H&M scarf and without realizing, came upon this:

There's like 4 episodes of it, and I ended up watching ALL of it. So there's like 25 ways, right? I feel like doing one way for 25 days until I find one that really sticks with me. Come join me? ;)

As Barney would say, 'Suit up!';

I'll go with..'Ladies and gents, Scarf up!' ;)

Coming Home.

'I'm coming home, I'm coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home.'

In approximately 11 hours I'll be on the plane back to Malaysia. Honestly, I can't wait to be home. These past 6 months has been such a roller coaster ride. There's only so much of stress a person can cope with.

People have said to me, 'You're always coming home. You might as well have just stayed and continued your studies in Malaysia.'

And some people have said, 'It's not like you do much when you get back, why don't you just stay in Japan and enjoy it over there.'

And some would also say, 'Go work part-time or something, over there. Get some experience!'

What they don't know is that, the difference between us is the fact that I can run away for awhile from all the pressure I have, while they might not have the chance. What they don't know is that, studying abroad is so much more challenging than they think. What they don't know is that it ain't all fun and play. You have responsibilities. You have bills and rent to pay. You have groceries to buy. You have only loneliness to keep you company sometimes. You have to stay positive all the time to keep yourself from falling apart. Its hard. Its fun, but its REALLY hard. So stop complaining about your education because trust me, half of us here wish we were in your shoes right now.

This past semester has been really tough on me. Everything is starting to get harder, and more complicated than I have ever imagined.

So I need to get away from this place for a while. I'm not running away from it, no I'm not. I'm just not ready to face it again..just yet. The intensity of it all is driving me crazy.

Back in the atmosphere.

Train-Drops of Jupiter

It's been 13 years since this song was released, and it still manages to capture me every time I hear it. I usually start to like a song once I get to know the lyrics, 'cause It feels good to know what the songs about, right?
So I was bored the other day and suddenly my Youtube playlist started playing this song, and I started singing to it, mind you, quite loudly >.< And then I kind of just realized, what am I really singing? I don't really know what this song is about, so I replayed the song and listened to the lyrics and I still didn't get it. It went on for 2 times until I just gave up and googled it. LOL
Honestly, I always thought this was a song about a guy singing to a girl whom he loved very much, but she wanted to explore the world and he let her go. But then she realizes that the world isn't what she pictured it to be, thus we hear him singing,
"Tell me did you sail across the sun Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded And that heaven is overrated"

And believe it or not, I wasn't the only one who thought so! From my search results, I actually found an article which similarly states what I presumed this song was about. But then, Youtube proved me wrong. I found a video on Youtube entitled 'Meang behind Drops of Jupiter'. Turns out, there was an interview between the lead singer Pat, where he revealed what Drops of Jupiter was really about.

It was about his mom. Believe it or not. She passed away due to lung cancer when he was busy on the road producing songs. After she passed away, he had a dream and woke up with only 'back in the atmosphere' in his head. He took it as a way of saying, people actually never leave. Their here. Their in the atmosphere. Thus we hear him singing,

"Now that shes back in the atmosphere

With drops of jupiter in her hair"

After watching that video, every time I heard Drops of Jupiter, it felt different. I also lost my mother to cancer when I was 16. And I know how much it hurts to convince yourself that their gone, and their never gonna come back. But I've never thought of it as, Hey, yeah their gone, but maybe a part of them is still here. Here in the atmosphere. When you think of it that way, it makes you feel better, doesn't it?

I wonder, what would you think of me now?

So lucky, so strong, so proud?I never said thank you for that.

Now I'll never have a chance.

-Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World

Digital Age.

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, ‘Are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?’

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. There is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. Think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher

Oxygen

This felt so right, pull me upsideDown to a place where you've been waitingAnd how am I supposed to tell you how I feel?I need oxygen

-Colbie Caillat

It's Spring. So for those of us who are trying their best to survive and live with all the radioactive stuff going on in Japan, it's just about a really nice time to go Hanami. In other words, we go out to a park, have a picnic under all the beautiful cherry blossom trees. I assure you, its much more fun when you're doing it rather then reading about it :p

Chiba has received 3 new members to the family, and we have accepted them with open arms. They, are my juniors. Watching them, guiding them reminds me a lot of how I was exactly one year ago. It surprised me by seeing them, to as how much I've grown more independent and changed so much.

So basically, this is the main reason we go and have these activities.

What would a picnic be without food, right? Menu for lunch: Nasi Lemak, Agar-agar, Spaghetti

There's actually a story to tell about lunch. As we were busily and noisily, as we Malaysians tend to be just because nobody can understand what you're saying, eating lunch, suddenly a Japanese woman comes up to us and hand us a plate of Sushi! Or more in lines of Onigiri, I think. So in return, I set up a plate of agar-agar and some kerepek we had to that woman and her group. It's amazing how friendly Japanese people can be. Then again, were they just drunk enough to give us food?

So this is the park we chose to have our Hanami. Chiba Park. Yes, you could go on those boats for..i'm not sure how much.

I really wanted to go on one with one of my seniors, but we were unlucky as we got to the counter at 4 o'clock, and it had just closed :(

Addition to the Chiba family, Fatira & Syadah

Half of the guys in Chiba

So this is what a Cherry Blossom a.k.a Sakura looks like up close. Pretty, right? :) Their's apparently a lot of colors, but I've only seen white and pink.

Atiqah, or Atie as we like to call her. My senior, and my cooking mentor :p

Wahi and Atie, two of my closest friends in Chiba.

It wouldn't be Japan, if there weren't stalls selling their delicacies such as Takoyaki and Yaki Ika (grilled squid)

After a month and a half spent at Malaysia, coming back and smelling all that grilling smell of Yaki Ika, Yaki Soba and Takoyaki somehow made me feel nostalgic and just happy to be back to the place which has most of my favorite foods.

The gang :)

Just to share, apparently there's a Sakura park in Manhattan, United States. Japan gave Sakura trees to the United States as a token of their growing friendship. pffftt

A place in this world.

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know

I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on

I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world.

-Taylor Swift

So do you like your job? So is college treating you well? So how is high school? So are you happy with your life? So are you settled with the life you have right now? So are you happy with the decisions you've made in life?

The job has a good pay, so i'm good. College can be a pain sometimes, but i'm getting through it. High school is just plain, high school. I think I am? I'm going with the flow. I like to believe so.

Questions which I think, no one will ever have the answer to. Answers which I think, has been amazingly synchronized with our minds. So, how's life treating you?

Comeback.

It's amazing what words are capable of doing. How just one 'Hello' from a guy you've been keeping an eye out can give you butterflies in your stomach. How just hearing 'I love you', whether its from a family member, your husband, your boyfriend, or even from a good friend, can make you feel on top of the world like as if life itself has no worries. But then again, there's also, how just one 'Goodbye', 'Sayonara' can wrench your heart and break it into pieces. Amazing isn't it, words?

So here I am, back with my own words and complaints and rants. Bear with me?

"I'm still sort of moved by your 'My word is stronger than oak' thing,"-Jerry Maguire