Al-Fatihah.

Bismillah.

I got a call last night. Or more like this morning 'cause it was at 3 am. Looked to check my phone and saw that I had 2 missed calls from Abang. Now, that's weird was what I first thought, 'cause my eldest brother's not the type to be calling me at 3 am in the morning. The phone rang again, and I finally picked me up although I was half asleep, half awake.

'Faten, Mak Long baru je meninggal' said Abang, before I could even ask why he was calling.

I froze and went speechless for what seemed like the longest time. 'I've never heard silence quite this loud'. I didn't cry. I'm that type of person, actually. I never show my weakness in front of my family.

'Inalillah wa ina ilaihirajiun' was all that came out of my mouth.

My aunt on my mother's side passed away last night, from breast cancer. The cancer had spread to her liver, just like how Mama's did, except Mama's was worst. Yes, I've lost two of my beloved people to breast cancer. Then again, ajal itu kan hanya Allah sahaja yang mengetahui. We could die tomorrow, heck we could die on our way to the supermarket, and we'd never see it coming.

Ingatlah Faten, badan dan jasad ini hanyalah pinjaman daripadaNya. Kasih sayang, keluarga, harta benda itu semua pinjaman daripadaNya. DaripadaNya kita datang, kepadaNya juga kita kembali. Ingatlah Faten, kata Allah itu benar. Hidup mati kita hanya untukNya.

"Bagaimana kamu ingkar kepada Allah, padahal kamu tadinya mati, lalu Dia menghidupkan kamu, kemudian Dia mematikan kamu, lalu Dia menghidupkan kamu kembali. Kemudian kepada-Nyalah kamu dikembalikan." [Al-Baqarah, 2:28]

Mak Long, I'm sure you're in a better place now. InsyaAllah, semoga Allah tempatkan Mak Long di kalangan hambanya yang beriman. Amin. Send my regards to Mama, I know she's constantly looking over me. You've lit up my life with your presence. Mak Long ingat tak when I was about 4 or 5, you were getting married and we were up in Atok's room and you said, 'Faten pembawa rezeki Mak Long. You're my lucky charm. You're my best friend'. Mak Long, you'll always be my best friend. I love you and I'm gonna miss you. May you rest in peace.

*Minta semua sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepada arwah Mak Long saya, semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin*

December boys.

I have approximately another 30 minutes before this gets outdated, so, Hello, December! :)

Goodbye, November. It was good to know you, but I honestly don't ever wanna go back to November where it was all loneliness and depression for me. I was such a mess.

Oh well, so cheers to December! Cheers to a new month and to a new stronger me. InsyaAllah.

Went to Chiba today and got my バイト許可. Yay! I can finally start searching for a part-time job! While everybody will be happily going snowboarding or skiing etc, I'll be cooped up at home or if God's willing, I'll be working my ass off so I can get enough money so I can shop in Europe and actually get a ticket back home for spring break. I wanna go home. I wanna play with Mikhail :(

So after I went to get my バイト許可, my friend and I went to look for new boots and heat-tech clothes from Uniqlo since winter is here and the temperature is dropping like crazy! Anyways, its amazing how you see things so differently when you know you have no money to shop. I am such a big spender, so when I go out and just NOT buy stuff, it just seems weird. Like how I went with some friends to Harajuku and bought..nothing! We went to Forever 21, H&M, almost all the places I love to shop at, and I bought nothing! I felt really proud of myself at the end, although there was that one jacket that kept haunting me in my dreams. lol I do however, hate the fact that I have to cut my money also when it comes to getting food. That sucks. Anyone who knows me knows that I would do anything to get my hands on good food :p Oh well, itu semua nafsu kamu, Faten! Ingat tu!

Got my weekly dosage of Takoyaki today, although had second thoughts on actually going to get some or not T.T Couldn't resist so there goes money on Takoyaki. But mehhh it was worth it! So I got home at around 6 and decided to catch up on some reading, which I have put hold on for a long time now. Then it seemed like the perfect night to get into the bathtub which I have not been in since spring 'cause..you just..don't get into the bathtub when its summer..So got to catch up on my reading and felt so refreshed after my bath. I skipped dinner 'cause I have this whole new plan on not eating any carbohydrates for dinner or basically just, stop having dinner. lol It didn't go so well though. Not tonight, it didn't. I felt so hungry and then teringat pulak cucur ikan bilis I had when I went over to Pja's place and just the thought of it made my stomach grumble and so I just had to make some. And I finished it in 10 minutes. T.T So there goes my diet. But overall, I think I started my December with a good kick. Did something life changing, if you call getting a job life changing that is :p Did myself proud with not doing any unnecessary shopping. Got myself refreshed. Stomach's happy. So..bring on December! Oh wait, I have mid-terms which I'm not done with...Damn it!

Ps: WHY has it taken me so long to realize how effin gorgeous Adam Levine is? I wanna marry him and have his babies. And this isn't just any random thought anymore lol

Like I did yesterday

'Its hard letting go of someone you loved for so long because they always come back. Which makes you think they care, and knowing they love you as much as you love them but can't admit it or won't ever admit it, so they leave. So it's just plain cruel hopeless love.'

When lyrics speak louder than music..

'I tried to go on like I never knew you. I’m awake but my world is half asleep. I pray for this heart to be unbroken. But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete.'
-Backstreet Boys, Incomplete

'This time, this place, misused, mistakes. Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?'
-Nickelback, Far Away

'And lead me up the staircase, won't you whisper soft and slow, 'I'm captivated by you baby, like a fireworks show''
-Taylor Swift, Sparks Fly

'And we'll get lost together, until the light comes pouring through'
-Michael Buble, Lost

'I came apart inside a world made of angry people. I found a boy who had a dream making everyone smile. He was sunshine'
-Colbie Caillat, Oxygen

'Lately I've been writing desperate love songs. I mostly sing them to the wall. You could be the center of my obsession, if you would notice me at all'
-The Band Perry, All Your Life

'Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced another sun soaked season fades away'
-Dashboard Confessional, Stolen

'We have done a lot of growing up. We were never meant to be together'
-Hinder, Without You

'Look at the stars, look how they shine for you'
-Coldplay, Yellow

'Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you'
-Coldplay, Fix You

'It is so easy to see dysfunction between you and me. We must free up these tired souls before the sadness gets to us both'
-Maroon 5, Nothing Lasts Forever

'Now you're outside me you see all the beauty. Repent all your sin'
-Stars, Your Ex-lover Is Dead