How is it possible that people can change their minds, so easily?

Like in one minute you believe in A and then suddenly you wake up one day and you want B.

Is it because slowly A is starting to feel too real and so your defense mechanism kicks in and the most logical thing to do is to kick A to the curb and come up with something such as; B?

But I just don't get it. When you decide to suddenly change your mind, do you ever wonder and stop to think to as how it would affect the other party? How do you even build up the courage to do that?

Really. This is a legitimate question I am asking because it seems like people do and say things which always contradict with their true feelings.

I beg you. Just don't say it if you don't mean it.

But then again, from the words of Murakami,

"My point is this: in this whole wide world the only person you can depend on is you."

Before Sunrise

So I watched this movie last night called 'Before Sunrise' as recommended by Thought Catalog, my one and only source to the amusings of the heart and life itself.

Its a movie about two people (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy), one American and the other French, so they meet in a train ride and they get to talking and he shares with her this one beautiful story about seeing his late grandmother in front of his yard when he was a young boy. They instantly have a connection, and they decide to stop in Vienna where Ethan Hawke or in the movie Jesse, has to catch a flight the next day to get back to the US from Vienna. 

So they spend this one whole night immersing themselves in the beauty of Vienna and its people. They even bumped into this poet that tells them to give him a word and he'll create a poem using it; for free. Only if they like it, then they can pay however they want to the poet. 

It seemed beautiful to me. To walk around town and suddenly run into a poet. I am a sucker for poets, in case you didn't know. I am amazed at how they can use just words to simply lift your day up and enlighten your mood. Like words dancing on a piece of paper just rhyming on about life, love. What's there not to love?

Another favorite part of the movie was when they were at a cafe, and they pretended to be on the phone with their friends, and their 'fake' talking to their friends about each other. To be so honest about one another when the other person is staring right at you is just...undescribable. I don't know if I could ever do that..

Their romance ends with her catching a train back to Paris and him flying back to the US. They promised they'd meet each other again after 6 months at the exact same date. 

I just found out that they don't meet up. That the stars didn't align for them. But apparently after 9 years, they meet again in Paris where he is married, with 2 kids. This is all continued in the sequel 'Before Sunset' which I will probably immerse myself in tonight. So more on that later. 

The movie doesn't have much action, if you're into that genre. But its more action of the words. I love their conversations. I secretly want to vicariously live through them. To meet someone in the most unexpected way, and to find him to be your best friend, and to discover that love in him..is amazing. And all kinds of beautiful.

Makes me feel like I should take a get-away with my best friend/soulmate to just..sit and talk and walk all day in a city we've never been to.

That'd seem nice. 

"If there's any kind of magic in this world..it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know it's almost impossible to succeed...but who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt." 

The harmony-seeking idealist.

 I recently did this 'What's your personality type?' quiz everybody was sharing around on Facebook. These things seem to be popping up everywhere on Facebook! Has everybody gone insanely curious about themselves, or did I miss something?

Anyways, so apparently I am; 'The Harmony-seeking Idealist.' ......seriously, could you be more accurate?

So I went to reading what people of "my type" are like and this is what it said;

Harmony-seeking Idealists are characterised by a complex personality and an abundance of thoughts and feelings. They are warm-hearted persons by nature. They are sympathetic and understanding. Harmony-seeking Idealists expect a lot of themselves and of others. They have a strong understanding of human nature and are often very good judges of character.

Seems plausible enough. So i thought to myself, well this is going well. Until I started reading the next paragraph. Mind you; these people have a really way of fooling you into giving you the positive stuff before giving you the negative parts of it because they wrote that^ in bold and large sized fonts.
So this is what came afterwards;

But they are mostly reserved and confide their thoughts and feelings to very few people they trust. They are deeply hurt by rejection or criticism. Harmony-seeking Idealists find conflict situations unpleasant and prefer harmonious relationships. However, if reaching a certain target is very important to them they can assert themselves with a doggedness bordering on obstinacy. 

They are deeply hurt by rejection or criticism.

Harmony-seeking idealists find conflict situations unpleasant and prefer harmonious relationships.

The worst thing is; its all true. I really don't like conflict. I'd rather get hurt, be quite about it and back down then having to create a scene.

But then, people tend to forget. It's really not easy being the harmony-seeking idealist. Because we choose to be the quite ones. The ones that eat up all our emotions to make you feel good.

Our presence is always mistakenly taken for granted.

 

"People always leave"

Well, some people.

I've always been told that I am a person who thinks of others too much even to an extent of putting their feelings above mine.

My boyfriend and I always get into a fight about this issue; because its almost impossible for me to say 'No' to people.

 "You're too nice", they say.

Maybe it's the thought of wanting to just..please everybody. So I give in. And in. And in.

But sometimes..it'd be really nice to be felt appreciated in return. To not feel like I've been taken for granted. Just once in a while is good enough. Just enough to know someone actually appreciates your company just as much as you appreciate theirs.

It really doesn't take much to make my day.


(Excuse the hormones talking. They have overdrive in gear right now.)

The center of the universe.

 I have an issue of constantly wanting to please everybody. I know, it's not healthy.

 I also have a social anxiety of constantly worrying what other people think. I know, not healthy either.

 For example, I am at constant war with myself almost everyday on even just deciding the little-est things such as what outfit to wear for the day, or how my hair should look, or what shoes won't look so mismatched with these jeans, etc. Its a constant battle. And it definitely isn't easy.

 I wonder constantly to as why I have this..complex? Can't really put a finger on why type of complex this is. I figure everyone else is probably battling the same issue as I am. But..why does that girl on the train look so cool with just her sweatpants and a t-shirt. I wouldn't be able to go out looking like that. Oh the horror of just thinking what other people would think of me. Sigh. People amaze me sometimes. They have such..guts. I really need to start looking for my own set of..guts. Haha

 Some people might say, "Chill lah, you're not the center of the world. Nobody has that much time to actually analyze you." Yes, yes, I know. I know I'm not the center of the world, or heck, the universe. I tend to over analyze everything. Like how I want those pair of pink denim jeans so badly, but don't have the guts to actually buy them because I know they'll just end up locked away in the cupboard because I will never have the guts to wear them. Sometimes, I actually end up buying these stuff. And then of course, later learn to regret it. I have confidence with myself, I do. But its not really about confidence anymore when in the end of the day you're swamped with a guilty feeling within you.

 I just think that it is just so hard to actually stand out. "Be yourself", they say. Easier said than done, huh?

 So if I were given the choice to have a superpower, I'd probably choose one which could make me control other people's thoughts. I am a control-freak by the way. So that would just be the icing to my cake. But this is the real world. Superpowers don't exist, love. You can't control people from thinking what they want to.

You can, however, control how it affects you.

 So maybe I'll start with that. Yes, I think I just will.

The art of sadness.

 

Ugh.
Emotions. Always needed to be felt. Always wanting to be felt.
So fussy, so complicated.


Ugh.

'Remember me as a time of day'

Take a look at yourself in a mirror who do you see looking back? Is it the person you want to be? Or is there someone else you were meant to be the person you were meant to be but fell short of? Is someone telling you you can't or won't? Because you can.

Believe that love is out there.

Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.

Sometimes happiness doesn't come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.

Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.

Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.

So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be. Believe that.

And believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.

-One Tree Hill

Bring on all the pretenders

I officially declare that winter break is over! (actually, it has been over for 3 days now :P)


Spent my winter break with my lovelies; those that light up my world.

23/12/2011:

Spent the first day of winter break at..the embassy =.=" Dasar Pandang ke Timur has reached its 30th year, and the embassy held a discussion where we were given topics and had to present them in a group. It was..okay, I guess. Met up with so many people that I hadn't seen in a while which felt really good. Ended the night with a Starbucks session with the girls at Shibuya :)

24/12/2011:

Went to Odaiba's Aqua City for Illumination with about 10 (or more) of my friends. I kinda lost count when everybody was together :p Exchanged hugs, smiles, laughs and had much fun despite the fact that the only thing we saw was a so-called Healing Christmas tree or, something like that. Although, the night did light up with fireworks for about 10 minutes near the Rainbow bridge in Tokyo which was spectacular! So that cheered up my night.

The crew with the Rainbow bridge behind us! Not everyone's in the picture because it was friggin cold outside, but then again with good company I was warm enough :) *picture credit to Nazriq*

25/12/2011:

Spent the morning at the guy's house for breakfast (or more like brunch), with Roti Canai and Apple Pie made by Pja :) Then spent the evening at the beach, 'cause Pja insisted on going although it was winter =.= But once we got there, it didn't seem so cold which was good.

Priceless. It got colder as we got closer to the sea, so clearly, I wasn't so excited.
*picture credit to Nazriq*

*picture credit to Nazriq*

Ended the night with approximately 6 hours of Karaoke-ing and good laughs, of course.

26/12/2011:

Friends slept over so we did the usual slumber party madness. Sleeping at 4 am. Saying good night and turning off the lights just to end up talking so much more than before. Baking. Gossiping. Fangirl-ing. Well, you know. The usual stuff :p

Hmm, as I write this I actually realize..that my winter break actually ended long before this. It ended when friends went back home to their places and I was left in Chiba while everybody went of skiing or snowboarding. *sigh* Oh well, it was fun while it lasted :) Great friends. Great company. Great entertainment. The foundation to a great life :)

Long live the walls we crashed through
While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered
-Taylor Swift, Long Live

#justsaying

Just something I saw on Facebook:

'Treat her right, protect and respect her.'

#justsaying.

December boys.

I have approximately another 30 minutes before this gets outdated, so, Hello, December! :)

Goodbye, November. It was good to know you, but I honestly don't ever wanna go back to November where it was all loneliness and depression for me. I was such a mess.

Oh well, so cheers to December! Cheers to a new month and to a new stronger me. InsyaAllah.

Went to Chiba today and got my バイト許可. Yay! I can finally start searching for a part-time job! While everybody will be happily going snowboarding or skiing etc, I'll be cooped up at home or if God's willing, I'll be working my ass off so I can get enough money so I can shop in Europe and actually get a ticket back home for spring break. I wanna go home. I wanna play with Mikhail :(

So after I went to get my バイト許可, my friend and I went to look for new boots and heat-tech clothes from Uniqlo since winter is here and the temperature is dropping like crazy! Anyways, its amazing how you see things so differently when you know you have no money to shop. I am such a big spender, so when I go out and just NOT buy stuff, it just seems weird. Like how I went with some friends to Harajuku and bought..nothing! We went to Forever 21, H&M, almost all the places I love to shop at, and I bought nothing! I felt really proud of myself at the end, although there was that one jacket that kept haunting me in my dreams. lol I do however, hate the fact that I have to cut my money also when it comes to getting food. That sucks. Anyone who knows me knows that I would do anything to get my hands on good food :p Oh well, itu semua nafsu kamu, Faten! Ingat tu!

Got my weekly dosage of Takoyaki today, although had second thoughts on actually going to get some or not T.T Couldn't resist so there goes money on Takoyaki. But mehhh it was worth it! So I got home at around 6 and decided to catch up on some reading, which I have put hold on for a long time now. Then it seemed like the perfect night to get into the bathtub which I have not been in since spring 'cause..you just..don't get into the bathtub when its summer..So got to catch up on my reading and felt so refreshed after my bath. I skipped dinner 'cause I have this whole new plan on not eating any carbohydrates for dinner or basically just, stop having dinner. lol It didn't go so well though. Not tonight, it didn't. I felt so hungry and then teringat pulak cucur ikan bilis I had when I went over to Pja's place and just the thought of it made my stomach grumble and so I just had to make some. And I finished it in 10 minutes. T.T So there goes my diet. But overall, I think I started my December with a good kick. Did something life changing, if you call getting a job life changing that is :p Did myself proud with not doing any unnecessary shopping. Got myself refreshed. Stomach's happy. So..bring on December! Oh wait, I have mid-terms which I'm not done with...Damn it!

Ps: WHY has it taken me so long to realize how effin gorgeous Adam Levine is? I wanna marry him and have his babies. And this isn't just any random thought anymore lol

Like I did yesterday

'Its hard letting go of someone you loved for so long because they always come back. Which makes you think they care, and knowing they love you as much as you love them but can't admit it or won't ever admit it, so they leave. So it's just plain cruel hopeless love.'