Into the night.

In the stillness of the night, I see blue, red, and yellow.
In the stillness of the night, I see a silhouette of light.
In the stillness of the night, I see a memory of the past.
In the stillness of the night, I see what could have been.
In the stillness of the night, I see my own shadow.
But is it really me, though? Something looks so different.

In the stillness of the night, I see the future. Our future.
In the stillness of the night, I see another shadow of me.
Oh, a shadow of an image of whom I thrive to become.

In the stillness of the night, I have come to understand the
sadness of being happy and lost at the same time.
In the stillness of the night, I am indeed lost.
Trying to find a happiness in a sorrow I can’t understand.

In the stillness of the night, I am lonely and helpless.
Helpless to myself, helpless to thyself.

Shoot for the stars, they said.

Oh Hello, old blog.

I haven't talked or heck spent even 5 minutes with you in such a long time.

My last post I was 8 weeks pregnant, and now I've come to a whopping 29 weeks!

Baby is coming, people! MAKE ROOM FOR BABY.

Above is an update of how I look in case y'all have forgotten me. pfft who am I talking to?

Excuse my tired face. I never thought pregnancy could take such a toll on your body and LIFE. I got through my first trimester with a lot of struggles. I luckily didn't have any morning sickness, but I couldn't stand the smell of onions and--guess what? Coffee. Funny, coming from such a coffee addict. Friends at the office repeatedly came to me saying sorry with a tumbler filled to the brim with coffee and all I could do was stuff my nose in my Tiger Balm. *I should really write a thank you note to the founder. Tiger Balm was my best friend for the first few months.* Besides having a hateful relationship with onions and coffee; I was also constantly sleepy and tired all through out the first trimester. My morning routines were; get up and get ready for work, get in the car and sleep throughout the whole ride to the office, arrive the office and take a 15 min nap, finish work, get in the car and sleep through the whole ride home, have dinner at home and finally fall asleep again at 9pm.

Poor husband. He was probably bored to death during it all for not having anyone to talk to since I was 70% asleep through the whole day. I swear it wasn't intentionally. I just felt so tired to an extent where I felt that I literally just wanted to quit work and stay in bed until the baby came out. Oh, how I dream of such a luxurious life. But nooo, I got bills to pay and a baby coming our way so I gotta work work work.

My second trimester was better. I was more energetic, to say the least. Lets just say I didn't spend all day sleeping like I did during my first trimester. And my appetite got better, which was good. Because I'm a foodie. Being a foodie does not go hand in hand with appetite loss. It just doesn't work out. Getting work done at the office had become more bearable which was good. Because lets face it, I happen to like my job right now, so getting up in the morning and having a better/positive aura throughout the day definitely adds up to all of it.

I have just started my third trimester. And it's been going good so far, I think. They say that usually you'll start to feel everything you felt during your first trimester again once you enter the third trimester. I have been feeling a bit tired lately, but that's just probably all the stress at work.

The baby is growing and developing fine. We did a 6D scan 2 weeks ago and he looks so much like me! Oh, the baby's a He! Yes people, we're having a little boy!! He shall be good in sports and also good in mathematics because I'm such a typical asian parent who has always secretly wanted to be a soccer mom. We have a name already for him, but we like to refer to him as Baby A.

We went shopping for baby stuff and this was pretty much the damage to incurred us. Anything for Baby A!

So that's pretty much it for updates on my life. As you can tell, pretty much of my life is all about the pregnancy and the baby, so yeah.

As for books, I'm currently reading Susan Cain's Quiet. I honestly haven't been able to get through much books of this genre, but this one is doing good for me so far. I've been putting books on hold for so long leading me to have such a long list of to-read books. I think I secretly have been putting them on hold just to make sure I won't be bored during my 3 months maternity leave. That's right, people. 3 months of no work and just waiting for the pay check to come in every month. Woohoo!

In case I forget to update again in the nearest future, do pray that I have a smooth delivery and that I won't break my husband's limbs in the labor room!

8 weeks.

UPDATE: 

1. As of 4th August 2017, I have become Mrs. Zharif Badrul. The feeling of marrying your best friend and your lover all wrapped into one is probably the most magical thing ever. The moment we locked eyes on each other after the 'akad nikah'; we knew it was gonna be one amazing journey for us.

2. After 5 months of marriage; WE'RE PREGNANT! *fireworks* To be honest, I didn't think I would be pregnant so early in our marriage; but then when you think about it I've known this man for about 10 years and I'm pretty sure I know all his amazingly weird quirks; so why the wait, huh?

So here I am, back on this blog as an expecting mother --i'm 8 weeks pregnant by the way. I still have a longgggg way to go. I was re-reading my previous posts before I decided to update this post and I thought to myself, 'Wow. How time has flown by so damn fast."

How am I feeling being pregnant? Tired. Bloated. And just constantly hungry and sleepy. Haha but no--I don't know how to describe it but it is such an amazing feeling waking up every morning and putting your hands on your belly and imagining how you're about to carry another human being for the next 7 months. It is just such an indescribable feeling. I am constantly checking the app I downloaded for my pregnancy tracker to see how big my baby is now, how my body is changing, how my baby is developing....so to sum it up, I'm pretty obsessed with this baby right now and it's not even born yet! Oh god, I'm probably gonna spoil him/her so bad....

Though, if there was ONE thing I would love to have right now would definitely be...the presence of my late mama. Ma, how I wish you were here so I could just call you up to ask you if these cramps I'm getting time to time is normal. How I wish I had you to share your labor room experiences with me. How I wish to share my excitement and also to tell you how scared I am to undergo this life changing moment. I lost you at 16...at such a young age and I just wished you were here. 

But....at least I have Papa. The closest thing I have to you, Ma.

Count your blessings, Faten. 

For 6/6.

 It was a sunny day; not too hot but not too cold. Just the perfect kind of evening to end what seemed like a dreadful day after countless hours of being trapped in the laboratory.

"Its good to see the world for its beauty again," I whispered in my heart as the wind blowed through my hair as if complying my every thought. It was time to go home and the least of my worries that day was deciding whether to cook for dinner or take something to-go.

*Ping* *Ping*

 My phone vibrated and I could see that a friend had texted me to ask if I was up for Sushi. Below the notifications of the text I could see that someone had liked a post on my Instagram. The name looked so familiar, tugging on my heart as if they once echoed through my dreams. Once I realized who it was, my heart practically jolted.

 "Is it really him? How did he find me? We haven't spoken in a year; does he even still remember me?" were among the questions that arose into my mind.

 I distinctly still remembered the last time I talked to him. It was through a Facebook message. We had been talking; even though both had gone separate ways with separate people. I ended it, despite it almost tearing my heart apart. It didn't seem right at the time. I was in love with this person, but I was ultimately in a relationship with another. It was just not fair to either of  them. And since then, we hadn't spoken. Saying our goodbyes through the words of Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You. The song was practically a taboo after that. I could not listen to it; without having a thought of him in my mind.

 I had been single for 8 months at the time he suddenly came back into my life. I had finally let go of the heartache and loss; and I was scared. Scared that the presence of the past would shatter my every belief I had so strongly structured along the 8 months of recovery.

 The first night we spoke, it felt like talking to a lost friend. He had always been someone I found easy to talk to. We would always tease each other, making jokes and making each other laugh unconditionally. It was the kind of connection not many could experience. So when we decided to call through Skype one night, it seemed normal that I felt like I was back in 2009. We teased and even flirted a bit with each other without us even realizing it. We had a spark. Not the type you get through a 'love at first sight'; but through building trust and respect. The type of spark you only get in..best friends. But we both knew, our feelings were more than what it portrayed to be.

 Suddenly, I felt like the world wasn't turning its back on me anymore. God had finally given back my friend which I had lost upon deciding the matters of the heart. But then one night, he suddenly confides into me that he still had feelings for me; that his love never waned.

 Then there I was again. Back to one of the nights in my 8 month road to recovery where I had solemnly vowed to myself that not again would I ever let anyone come close to my heart again. No one was to enter. Not anymore.

 And so I pushed him. I pushed him away. Despite knowing that it would mean I would be losing him again after finally getting him back; I pushed him away. So he couldn't hurt me. So he wouldn't see the ugly pieces of my heart that had been destroyed once by the person who swore to protect me. And I hid. Behind that wall I had built so high. I took comfort in it, and hid. To only come back when I saw that the coast was clear. That he had backed down and retreated from his actions.

 And he did. Or so I thought. Until I received a letter in the mail with a stamp from Malaysia.

 "I think I've seen this handwriting somewhere," I thought as I tore open the envelope to find a one page A4 paper with so many words on it as if the words were spilling out from the paper.

"It's a love letter," was my first thought.

 Upon reading, I couldn't resist the urge to tear up. It was a letter from him; telling me how he would like to take care of me until I had found my way again. I mean, who does that? Give up your heart for the happiness of another's. Who does that?

 He did. Because the letter came to me at a time when my heart was starting to shake. It gave more sense to keep him close even though I still had my heart guarded. And so I agreed. Not knowing what the ending would be like.

How is it possible that people can change their minds, so easily?

Like in one minute you believe in A and then suddenly you wake up one day and you want B.

Is it because slowly A is starting to feel too real and so your defense mechanism kicks in and the most logical thing to do is to kick A to the curb and come up with something such as; B?

But I just don't get it. When you decide to suddenly change your mind, do you ever wonder and stop to think to as how it would affect the other party? How do you even build up the courage to do that?

Really. This is a legitimate question I am asking because it seems like people do and say things which always contradict with their true feelings.

I beg you. Just don't say it if you don't mean it.

But then again, from the words of Murakami,

"My point is this: in this whole wide world the only person you can depend on is you."

"Bakat dikurnia jangan disalah guna, Jangan kufur nikmat yang diberi percuma,Guna kelebihan untuk hikmah bersama."  

 Last weekend was by far one of the most hectic yet amazing weekend I have had since I can remember. 

1) I met up with the bride-to-be Nurul and her fiance for a quick lunch and it was just nice to get together and talk about life, work, and of course her wedding preparations. Because come on, I am a girl who still gets giddy inside when I hear about wedding preparations. With all the flowers, dresses, halls, I got nervous inside like as if I was the one getting married! Hah! I still can't believe that this person I've known since I was 14, who ultimately failed together at trying to skateboard is getting married in 4 months. Wow, time just needs to like, chill out and let me finish my cup of tea.

2) I went to Buku Jalanan's birthday bash at Shah Alam with Zharif after meeting up with Nurul. It was a laid back non-fancy type of festival which was just perfect in its own way. With a couple of stages set up for forums and discussions, live performances, it was nice to see everyone gathered around just for the music and some input. The theme of one of the forums was "Dari P. Ramlee ke Rindu Awak 200%" which when I saw its title on one of the posters actually really caught my eye. Although I didn't have the whole chance of listening to the whole forum, it definitely did make me wonder on how drastically our film industry has changed from being something so classy to something so...unrecognizable. 

3) We ended the night at the batting cage in One Utama with one of Zharif's friends who had made it clear that he needed to clear off all the things he had on his bucket list before he graduated which meant me twisting my every muscle trying to swing the bat and actually hitting the ball. I'm not even talking about hitting the baseball so that it had an actual trajectory; but like hitting it so that it'd bounce off and nearly bruise me type of hitting. But I had a really good time because it was so nice to actually let go and be myself in front of the guys. Then again, when have I not ever been my weird old self when I'm with Zharif? So, yeah.

4) I spent the Sunday at Dapur Jalanan. This was probably the highlight of my week in total. I had heard of Dapur Jalanan-which is basically a soup kitchen, when I was still studying in Japan but since then had never actually participated in anything. Luckily, Zharif is very much active in Dapur Jalanan so it was just the perfect opportunity for me to actually experience it myself. And let me just say, you just have to be there to actually understand the whole experience. Unfortunately for me, it was raining cats and dogs when Zharif and I reached Pasar Seni's LRT station and we got automatically soaked from all the rain and wind that came at us. I was practically freezing underneath my wet clothes which got me thinking; I wonder how the homeless people deal with it. They obviously don't have a place to call home to, so I wonder where they shelter at. Or if they even shelter at all, because as we all know, these people like to walk and scatter around. The thought of that immediately erased me of my worry about the rain and how cold I was. I was just lucky enough to actually have clothes on to keep me warm.

 So by the time we started giving out food, it was already 6 pm because the food came late due to heavy rain and traffic. Mind you, it was still drizzling while we were giving out food. We were lucky enough to actually find a spot to put all the food despite raindrops dropping into some of our bubur kacang and air laici. 

 While I was there, there was this one lady that caught my attention. She had been waiting behind Zharif and I while we were waiting for the food to arrive. She had a little boy with her. And she sat him down as he opened up one of his new toys which I peeked to see was a character figurine thingy from The Hobbit. I honestly thought at first that she was just another volunteer probably just wanting to help around. But later did I discover, while I was giving out food, she strolled by and said thank you with her two hands full of nasi, roti canai, and sandwiches while her kid followed beside her. Then it hit me. She and this kid, she wasn't waiting for the food to arrive so that we could provide for them; she was one of them who needed the providing. So the strings on my heart tugged. I wonder what happened. Why was she there. Did she really have no place to go to? Or maybe her husband left her and she had no financial aid because we all know how common these type of stories are. But nonetheless, where was her family? I still can't stop thinking about it. I wish I had the time to ask her where she was from, how old her little boy was, because he looked pretty much Mikhail's age. I got home that night thinking and wishing if I could really just do more, you know? There must be something more I could do than just give out food. If it was possible, I wanted to follow them to where they were staying just to look at the state of what they call 'home'...

 We see so many homeless people on the streets sometimes and we're scared of them because their mainly old men with cut out shorts and t-shirts but its when you join these kind of activities you realize, that there's actually more to that. Just because they dress different doesn't make them less of a human than we are. Zharif even told me that there's actually a whole family that is homeless. A whole family. Imagine that. Imagine what a loaf of bread to the whole family could do. So many of us believe that charity is so associated to money. I don't deny that charity funds are a great way to help, but that can never, ever, be equal to the feeling you get from giving something such as food directly to someone and actually looking them in the eyes when they truly say, 'Thank you.'

 All I can say is, my one day in the rain with the homeless people has taught me more about life than any book/forum/talk has. 

 I went to Laman Seni at Section 7, Shah Alam today for some creative soul-feeding session. I've heard about this street art gallery many times before but have never actually made my way to see it despite living only 15 minutes away from it.

 It was as nice as I expected and also as crowded as I expected it to be. I pretty much made a wrong decision in coming on a weekend because well, apparently Malaysians use their weekends wisely by lingering around malls and coffee shops when they could just be re-charging their day off from work at home watching Law and Order or sipping tea while cozying up in bed with a book. But then again; that's just me. So I'll just post up some pictures here;

 There are still more at the gallery (-well it wasn't really a gallery as you would call it as it was more of a back door alley full of street art) but these were all I managed to take amongst the crowd before the rain came pouring heavily down. Talk about luck, huh?

 But overall, it was a good experience. I've never been to anything like this before so it was fun to actually do something new which I have promised myself I'd do much more of just to open my eyes and re-discover everything.

 I have so much respect for all the people who were involved and even more for the artists themselves. To have so much passion to be able to portray something so unique and beautiful for everyone to see is just so amazing. Which made me re-think to what my passion was and what I've been doing to fulfill it. My number one passion is reading, especially poetry. And second is of course this; writing. Writing practically releases my soul.

But I wonder if I'll have the courage enough to actually use my passion to portray something as beautiful as these artists have portrayed..

 On a lighter note; so snakes and ladders, anyone?

 So, social network. We have Facebook, Twitter, and urm, all kinds of other social networking sites I'm probably not cool enough to know.

 I've actually been off the radar on Instagram for a couple of months now. I don't know. Maybe its the little negative side of me that just doesn't wanna see people with their new stuff, their happy faces, etc. Or maybe its just the me that would like to keep Instagram sacred as I've always known it to be since that evening of July. I leave it like that. I can't remember the last time I posted a picture. All I know is that, I just don't feel good doing it anymore. But if my name does happen to pop up on your phone screens indicating I have liked one of your posts; feel special. Rarely do I go on Instagram nowadays either than to check up on my favorite people. :)

 I've started running away from Twitter lately. Honestly, I basically just deleted every social networking site apps I had on my phone. So if I really wanted to indulge and waste my time on it, I'd had to push myself and go to all the trouble of using Google Chrome. Which, is as we all know, is pretty much troublesome as it is.

 But I still post on Facebook sometimes, a quote here and there, just to make sure everybody knows I'm still alive. Though, I'm not sure anybody would care much.

 I did realize one thing though. My mind's been working its creative side much much much better than before. I can be in the car driving and my mind would just space out and come out with paragraphs and paragraphs of sentences I didn't even know I could come up with. So that's a delight. I like the feeling. Of thinking. And keeping it to ourselves. Or just jotting words down on a tissue paper. It makes me feel good.

So I'm gonna do that more often. You can always find me on WhatsApp, or Line. I haven't gone totally anti-social; mind you. I'm just letting my brain do all the talking this time. So forgive me if I space out sometimes when we meet up; it's been happening a lot lately.

I've been working for almost 3 months now.

I didn't really choose Emerio as the place to spread my wings; but it came at a time when I was at my lowest and anything besides staying at home was better.

And after 3 months, Emerio has really taught me a lot. I've gained experience of working on shifts, with the Japanese, and also I've learnt the many quirks working people have.

But...that's it.

I can't talk about working in Emerio so passionately as I've watched my bestfriend talk about his work everytime we meet up. And somehow, I have envied him and have tried to vicariously lived through his passion.

And after our long talk last night; which was one we haven't had for in such a long time, he made me realize how much I've actually strayed from who I am deep inside.

I've been so caught up in being emotionally torn apart, that I've actually lost sight of the true me.

For people who know me, they know well that I don't like to do things when it doesn't involve passion.

I can't say how long I'll be staying in Emerio, and I don't even know what I'll do next.

But i do realize, like what my bestfriend said to me last night; that to achieve happiness I have to fulfill my desires first.

Some soul-searching is on the way.

 And to my best friend who stayed up with me until 2 AM just to remind me of the person I once envisioned myself to be; Thank You. 

Its okay.

I've been on a limbo with life lately. 

 I have my good days and bad days; but mostly the latter.

 Sometimes all I wanna do is curl up in bed and let all the memories explode in my chest. To cry everything out until I dry out my tears to only be left with emptiness.

 But then one day I realized; its okay.

 Its okay to wanna feel everything all at once. Its okay to wanna just mourn over something that was once so beautiful in your life.

Its okay.

Its okay to feel human.

 I just have to remember to rise up again after each fall. Because with each rise, I will grow stronger.

A lot has happened in the past two months since I got home.

I've seen my life crumble apart, as I slowly pick up the shattered pieces.

I see myself from afar and think, "How did I get here? And for the second time?"

I am reminded of why I put those walls up.

To guard off all the darkness lurking around.

But he pushed through, and I pulled him inside as he slowly broke down the walls until not even a brick was in sight.

But now; here I am again. Everything seems nostalgic. It feels like everything that has happened since then was just a dream.

I have found myself here again.

Behind another tall wall. But this time it's different.

Because this time, the wall has a door.

And the door wishes to only be visible to one person.

It kills me to see that you think nobody cares about you.

When all I’ve done all this while; is care. Even though there have been countless times where you have knocked me down and tossed me away. 

I still woke up with my scraped knees and bitter heart, half-standing just barely awake. And the first person I turned to was you. To care again; for you. 

So, no. It is not fair for you to say that nobody cares about you. Because you had me. And you probably always will. 

Talk.

"It feels like a lifetime since I've seen you genuinely smile. I can tell how tired you are by looking at your eyes. How many times have you cried yourself to sleep, my dear? I can tell how stressed out you are by the wrinkles on your forehead. I notice how you space out sometimes. Flashbacks come when you least expect them to, don't they?"

"He said he loved me. He said it to the world. That I was his 'Always and Forever'. But why did he leave? What did I do to drive him away without a single goodbye? Am I that unworthy? Is it selfish to say I wished he would have fought for me?

It hurts. Everything hurts. My heart. My body. Everything. Why did he do this to me? Has he forgotten all the promises we made to each other? Did I really mean nothing to him; so easily he tossed me away."

"I know it does. I'm pretty sure he loved you as much as you have loved him. It's just that maybe during this time, he's forgotten to love you back. Anger and hate has taken the best of him and turned him into someone unrecognizable. But remember, if he loved you, he wouldn't have left you cold like this. Doesn't matter what the circumstances are. Or how bad the situation has gotten. If he wanted you, he would have stayed and fought for you. That's what love is supposed to be about. You stay, even when all arrows are pointing the other way.

I want nothing more than your happiness. Can you not see that? I saw how he made you smile; how he made you happy. I was ready to give you to him. But now...how could I? When I have seen nothing but hurt in your eyes. How dare he destroy you in front of me?

I have made my mistakes, and I have asked for forgiveness. It doesn't matter if he will not forgive me, so long as God has accepted my repentance. Because to err is human.

Think about it carefully. Don't go. Trust me on this. It will only give you more harm, than you can ever imagine. Be strong. Don't succumb to your weakness. You're stronger than this. You have more willpower than this. Don't go. Please. I ask nothing more from you."


*partly fictional. Partly. 

Broken.

 If there's one thing people haven't figured out by now is that; I love Thought Catalog. I love how painfully real and honest the articles are. Oh what I'd give to be able to write as good as the people on Thought Catalog.

I was browsing through Thought Catalog a couple of days ago and stumbled upon this..heart-wrenchingly beautiful article called, "To Anyone Who Has Just Suffered A Heartbreak". Considering my situation, it seemed appropriate that I open and read it just for fun.

But the moment I started reading, I couldn't help but realize how much it connected so well with me. Like as if the words were coming out from the screen and speaking to me in a language that was in sync with the language of my heart.

This person has not only captured the moments of a heartbreak, but also the little details you encounter through it.

"You had your chance to make a difference. You’ve tried your best, but that doesn’t make it any easier, or alleviate the pain. Want to know a little secret? The purpose of pain is neither to make us sad, nor it is to give us big lessons on truths about love. It simply serves as a reminder."

My favorite part from the article would definitely be;

"A relationship needs work; it has to go through the test of time; one needs to fight for love — this, only you have the answer, and only the future can tell you whether you’re right or wrong."

And only the future can tell you whether you're right or wrong.

Fair/Unfair

 I am so tired.

 So tired of people wanting to make decisions for me. Let alone people who have already made their decisions, for me. That one's even worst.

 Do people not realize that I also have a say in everything?
 That I also have a right to defend myself?
     To say what I think is right and to decide what I think is appropriate for myself?

 I am so tired.

 I get A, and people say B. I do B, and then people tell me to go get C.

 Everybody is being really unfair. I get how life is unfair and all. But it is only unfair when our hands are tied behind our backs and our mouths are shut with duct tape. That is how the term, "Life is unfair" is supposed to be played out. When the inevitable happens.

 But my hands are not tied, and my mouth is free to speak on its own. I have a say, a right, a decision that I can stand up and fight for, and to have it taken away from my every existence is just..disappointing.

 And at the end of it, you expect me to be content with everything that you have decided?
 How is all of this; supposed to be fair to me?


Who made you king of anything, anyways?

"All my life, I've tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide, waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide" 

 

And I whisper to the wind;

And I read, and read, and read over and over again the words you embedded in that book. The beautifully constructed sentences that touched every scar.

For where has that beautiful and gentle soul gone?

"Send him my love and prayers", I whisper to the wind.

For I am still here; waiting and hoping for the day he turns back and realizes that I was his beginning and his ending.

Smile.

"Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though its breaking."-Nat King Cole

Here's an awesome cover to listen to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkT0N8f05WE

Betray?

What's the matter with us humans? When will we ever learn that once you lie, the truth will come biting back sooner or later.

I don't like to be lied to. Especially when it involves something and someone I love.

You didn't have to lie..
We could have just found something better..

And when I finally confronted you in the car, you stayed quiet without an explanation. Do you have any idea what you've done to us? What you've put me through? The guilt I have to live with? The pain I have to go through; because of your mistake?

Having to live with your lie, and you letting me to take the blame is just...dissapointing.

Why do I always end up being the victim?

When I am always the one who is willing to do everything for everyone.

...Why?

And The Mountains Echoed.

I finally got my hands on Khaled Hosseini's latest book, 'And The Mountains Echoed' when I went book hunting at the KL International Book Fair at PWTC with Zharif the other day.

And best part was, I got it for 20% off! Totally made my day.

After two days of intensive reading, I have finally finished and I was blown away just as I was after finishing his amazing 'A Thousand Splendid Suns'. Hosseini is an amazing storyteller. The way he develops his characters and the immensity of their stories is just pure genius.

Although I admit, I though that their were too many characters involved in the book to a state where it got a bit confusing to me. But nonetheless, it pulled through. All the waiting I did to get my hands on the book was worth every second.

I immediately started reading Deborah Rodriguez's 'The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul', which also is a page-turner. Can't wait to immerse myself more in it. It'd be exciting to see the antics of an American author write about Afghanistan.

On the other note, I am struggling. But I also think I am pulling through. Well for today that is. We'll see how I cope after a couple of days. *gulp*

And to that, I will go back to continue listening to Adele's 'Take It All' because, well, what else can you really do with a heartbreak?

"You've given up so easily, I thought you loved me more than this."

I.just.can't.

"I believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight. I believe love conquers all. And that doesn't mean there's not gonna be hard days or difficult things to deal with, because there will be. But finding that person that does it for you and knowing, that person loves you back. It just makes everything so much easier."-Haley, OTH

Urm. *trying to hold back tears*

No. I just can't.

Be right back.



Oh, the feeelssssss.